Cultivating Self-Care Through the Lens of DBT

Self-care is more than bubble baths and spa days—although those can be great, too. At its core, self-care is about recognising your needs and intentionally taking action to meet them. In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), self-care is not only encouraged, it’s essential for building a life worth living.

DBT, developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, was originally created to treat individuals with borderline personality disorder, but its tools and philosophies have proven helpful for anyone navigating intense emotions, relationship struggles, or just the chaos of everyday life. Here’s how you can apply DBT principles to create a self-care routine that is compassionate, balanced, and sustainable.

1. Mindfulness: The Foundation of Self-Awareness

DBT begins with mindfulness—the practice of being fully present in the moment without judgment. Mindfulness helps you notice when you’re overwhelmed, burned out, or ignoring your needs.

Try this: Set a daily check-in reminder. When it goes off, pause and ask yourself:

  • “How am I feeling emotionally and physically right now?”
  • “What do I need in this moment?”
  • By tuning in regularly, you’ll be more in touch with your emotional landscape and can respond before hitting the breaking point.

2. Distress Tolerance: Caring for Yourself When Things Get Tough

Sometimes, life throws curveballs that can’t be fixed right away. Distress Tolerance skills help you survive these moments without making things worse.

DBT skill to try: TIPP skills (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Progressive Muscle Relaxation). These fast-acting strategies help regulate your nervous system in high-stress moments.
For example, try splashing cold water on your face (Temperature) or doing 10 jumping jacks (Intense Exercise) to release built-up tension.

3. Emotion Regulation: Proactive Self-Care for Emotional Health

Emotion Regulation skills teach us how to understand and manage emotions before they become overwhelming. Self-care, in this context, means doing things that build emotional resilience.

DBT skill to try: PLEASE (treat PhysicaL illness, Eat balanced meals, avoid mood-Altering substances, get enough Sleep, and Exercise regularly). These might seem basic, but they’re powerful. Neglecting these areas can make us more emotionally vulnerable.

Think of PLEASE as the “baseline” of self-care. When your foundation is strong, you’re more capable of handling stress and uncertainty.

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Setting Boundaries as Self-Care

Sometimes, self-care means saying no, asking for help, or advocating for your needs. DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness skills give you tools to do this with clarity and confidence.

DBT skill to try: DEAR MAN (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate). This structure helps you have tough conversations without sacrificing your self-respect or damaging relationships.

Example:
“I noticed I’ve been taking on a lot of extra work (Describe). I feel really overwhelmed and stressed (Express). I need to step back from this project for now (Assert). If I can focus on fewer tasks, I’ll be able to do a better job (Reinforce).”

5. Radical Acceptance: When Self-Care Means Letting Go

There are times when no amount of action can change a painful situation. That’s where Radical Acceptance comes in. It doesn’t mean approval or giving up—it means accepting reality as it is so you can stop fighting it and start moving forward.

Try this: When you find yourself resisting reality, pause and repeat:
“This is what’s happening right now. I may not like it, but I accept that it is real.”
Acceptance can be the most compassionate form of self-care there is.

Final Thoughts

Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a lifeline. With DBT as a guide, self-care becomes less about what you can do and more about what you need in order to live a balanced, meaningful life. Whether you’re soothing yourself in a moment of crisis, setting boundaries, or simply remembering to eat lunch, these acts of care are deeply radical—and deeply healing.

Want to learn more about starting DBT? We have programs commencing four times a year in February, April, July and October. Our individual therapists can usually see you within a week of your initial contact.

You can get in contact with our team via email to intake@dbtclinics.com or go to our appointments page for more options at https://dbtclinics.com/appointments/