Self Care – DBT Programs

Cultivating Self-Care Through the Lens of DBT

Self-care is more than bubble baths and spa days—although those can be great, too. At its core, self-care is about recognising your needs and intentionally taking action to meet them. In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), self-care is not only encouraged, it’s essential for building a life worth living.

DBT, developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, was originally created to treat individuals with borderline personality disorder, but its tools and philosophies have proven helpful for anyone navigating intense emotions, relationship struggles, or just the chaos of everyday life. Here’s how you can apply DBT principles to create a self-care routine that is compassionate, balanced, and sustainable.

1. Mindfulness: The Foundation of Self-Awareness

DBT begins with mindfulness—the practice of being fully present in the moment without judgment. Mindfulness helps you notice when you’re overwhelmed, burned out, or ignoring your needs.

Try this: Set a daily check-in reminder. When it goes off, pause and ask yourself:

“How am I feeling emotionally and physically right now?”
“What do I need in this moment?”
By tuning in regularly, you’ll be more in touch with your emotional landscape and can respond before hitting the breaking point.

2. Distress Tolerance: Caring for Yourself When Things Get Tough

Sometimes, life throws curveballs that can’t be fixed right away. Distress Tolerance skills help you survive these moments without making things worse.

DBT skill to try: TIPP skills (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Progressive Muscle Relaxation). These fast-acting strategies help regulate your nervous system in high-stress moments.
For example, try splashing cold water on your face (Temperature) or doing 10 jumping jacks (Intense Exercise) to release built-up tension.

3. Emotion Regulation: Proactive Self-Care for Emotional Health

Emotion Regulation skills teach us how to understand and manage emotions before they become overwhelming. Self-care, in this context, means doing things that build emotional resilience.

DBT skill to try: PLEASE (treat PhysicaL illness, Eat balanced meals, avoid mood-Altering substances, get enough Sleep, and Exercise regularly). These might seem basic, but they’re powerful. Neglecting these areas can make us more emotionally vulnerable.

Think of PLEASE as the “baseline” of self-care. When your foundation is strong, you’re more capable of handling stress and uncertainty.

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Setting Boundaries as Self-Care

Sometimes, self-care means saying no, asking for help, or advocating for your needs. DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness skills give you tools to do this with clarity and confidence.

DBT skill to try: DEAR MAN (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate). This structure helps you have tough conversations without sacrificing your self-respect or damaging relationships.

Example:
“I noticed I’ve been taking on a lot of extra work (Describe). I feel really overwhelmed and stressed (Express). I need to step back from this project for now (Assert). If I can focus on fewer tasks, I’ll be able to do a better job (Reinforce).”

5. Radical Acceptance: When Self-Care Means Letting Go

There are times when no amount of action can change a painful situation. That’s where Radical Acceptance comes in. It doesn’t mean approval or giving up—it means accepting reality as it is so you can stop fighting it and start moving forward.

Try this: When you find yourself resisting reality, pause and repeat:
“This is what’s happening right now. I may not like it, but I accept that it is real.”
Acceptance can be the most compassionate form of self-care there is.

Final Thoughts

Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a lifeline. With DBT as a guide, self-care becomes less about what you can do and more about what you need in order to live a balanced, meaningful life. Whether you’re soothing yourself in a moment of crisis, setting boundaries, or simply remembering to eat lunch, these acts of care are deeply radical—and deeply healing.

Want to learn more about starting DBT? We have programs commencing four times a year in February, April, July and October. Our individual therapists can usually see you within a week of your initial contact.

You can get in contact with our team via email to intake@dbtclinics.com or go to our appointments page for more options at https://dbtclinics.com/appointments/

Radical Openness for the New Year!

Every January, millions of people make resolutions that sound a lot like this:

“Be more productive.”
“Stick to a strict routine.”
“Control my eating/spending/time better.”

Sound familiar?

If you tend toward perfectionism, rule-following, or emotional inhibition, these kinds of resolutions might feel natural—but also exhausting. That’s where Radically Open DBT (RO-DBT) offers a breath of fresh air. Instead of trying to tighten up, RO-DBT invites us to loosen up—to get curious, take social-emotional risks, and embrace the vulnerability that comes with being truly seen.

So this year, try flipping the script. Let’s make resolutions that focus on openness, flexibility, and joyful connection.

🎭 1. Be More Weird (On Purpose)

Traditional Resolution: “Be more professional/perfect/polished.”
RO-DBT Reframe: “Take more social-emotional risks—show my quirky, real self.”

Overcontrolled individuals often fear being judged or rejected, so they mask their true personality. RO-DBT teaches that expressing our uniqueness (even awkwardly!) builds real connection.

Resolution Idea:
Once a week, do something a little out of character on purpose—crack a silly joke, share an embarrassing story, or wear something that breaks your usual style rules. Let people see the real, imperfect, vibrant you.

🎲 2. Break a Rule (That Doesn’t Serve You)

Traditional Resolution: “Stick to my routines no matter what.”
RO-DBT Reframe: “Challenge one rigid rule I follow that might be limiting me.”

People with overcontrolled coping styles often have unspoken “shoulds” that govern everything—from how to load the dishwasher to how emotions should be expressed.

Resolution Idea:
Pick one internal rule that creates stress (e.g., “I must always be early,” or “I can’t relax until everything’s done”) and break it once a week—gently, playfully, mindfully.

💬 3. Speak Honestly (Even If It Feels Risky)

Traditional Resolution: “Keep the peace and avoid confrontation.”
RO-DBT Reframe: “Practice radical openness by sharing how I really feel.”

In RO-DBT, radical openness means being willing to share truths—not just opinions. This means expressing real feelings, preferences, or disappointments instead of bottling them up.

Resolution Idea:
Once a week, express something honest and vulnerable to someone close. It doesn’t have to be dramatic—it could be as simple as, “I’ve been feeling lonely lately,” or “I actually don’t love that restaurant.”

🌀 4. Let Go of the Plan (and Roll With It)

Traditional Resolution: “Stick to my schedule.”
RO-DBT Reframe: “Practice flexibility when life doesn’t go as planned.”

Overcontrolled folks often find comfort in planning—but life is messy, and growth lives in the unplanned. RO-DBT encourages us to approach change with curiosity, not fear.

Resolution Idea:
Create space each week for spontaneity. Say yes to a last-minute invite. Try something new without researching it first. Let someone else make the plan. Notice the discomfort—and do it anyway.

🫶 5. **Make Time for Playful Connection**

Traditional Resolution: “Strengthen relationships by being more helpful or responsible.”
RO-DBT Reframe: “Nurture connection through shared joy, not just duty.”

People high in overcontrol often focus on being useful, which can accidentally make relationships feel transactional. RO-DBT teaches that play, laughter, and mutual weirdness are the glue of true connection.

Resolution Idea:
Schedule one lighthearted social interaction each week. Watch a silly movie with a friend. Play a game. Dance around the kitchen. Laugh on purpose. Let go of the need to be productive in every interaction.

🌱 Final Thoughts: The Most Radical Resolution of All

In a world that praises hustle, control, and perfection, the most radical thing you can do is let yourself be real.

RO-DBT reminds us that authentic connection requires courage, playfulness, and openness to feedback. So this year, instead of striving to be better, try being braver. Not in the “face your fears” kind of way—but in the “show up as your whole self” kind of way.

Because maybe, just maybe, that’s the version of you the world’s been waiting to meet.

Want to learn more about starting RO-DBT? We have programs commencing four times a year in February, April, July and October. Our individual therapists can usually see you within a week of your initial contact.

You can get in contact with our team via email to intake@dbtclinics.com or go to our appointments page for more options at https://dbtclinics.com/appointments/

DBT-Inspired New Year’s Resolutions

Ah, New Year’s resolutions. Every January, we’re bombarded with messages to “be better,” “do more,” or “finally get it together.” But let’s be real: those all-or-nothing goals? They often lead to burnout by February.

Enter: DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy)—a skills-based approach that’s all about finding balance, managing emotions, and building a life worth living. Instead of aiming for perfection, DBT invites us to live more mindfully, regulate emotions effectively, and improve our relationships.

So this year, skip the shame-based resolutions and try these DBT-aligned goals instead.

🧘‍♀️ 1. Practice Mindfulness Over Perfection

Traditional Resolution: “I’ll be more productive every day.”
DBT-Inspired Upgrade: “I’ll practice mindfulness every day—even for 60 seconds.”

Mindfulness in DBT means staying present without judgment. You don’t have to meditate on a mountain. It could be as simple as mindfully brushing your teeth or eating a snack without scrolling your phone. It’s not about zoning out—it’s about tuning in.

Try this: Set a daily “pause” alarm. When it goes off, take 3 deep breaths and check in:
What am I feeling right now? What do I need?

💪 2. Build Emotional Resilience (One Healthy Habit at a Time)

Traditional Resolution: “I’m going to completely cut out sugar and go to the gym every day.”
DBT-Inspired Upgrade: “I’ll take care of my body so my emotions have a solid foundation.”

In DBT, the PLEASE skills remind us to care for our physical health to reduce emotional vulnerability. It’s not about weight loss or punishment—it’s about fueling your body and brain so you can handle life better.

DBT Goal Ideas:

Drink a full glass of water when you wake up.
Go for a 10-minute walk three times a week.
Go to bed 30 minutes earlier once a week.

Tiny changes can make a big emotional impact.

🔥 3. Respond to Stress Without Self-Destructing

Traditional Resolution: “I’ll stop freaking out when things go wrong.”
DBT-Inspired Upgrade: “When I’m overwhelmed, I’ll use Distress Tolerance skills before reacting.”

Life will get messy. DBT’s Distress Tolerance tools help you survive those moments without making things worse. It’s not about suppressing emotions—it’s about riding the wave until it passes.

Resolution idea: “When I’m triggered, I’ll pause and do one DBT skill before acting.”
Examples:

Splash cold water on your face (TIP skill).
Do a grounding 5-4-3-2-1 exercise.
Hold an ice cube when you’re overwhelmed.

🗣️ 4. Communicate Like a Boss (Even When It’s Hard)

Traditional Resolution: “I’m going to cut out all toxic people.”
DBT-Inspired Upgrade: “I’ll use DBT’s DEAR MAN skills to ask for what I need.”

Setting boundaries is self-care. But so is expressing needs with skill. DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness tools like DEAR MAN help you speak up with confidence and kindness.

Mini-resolution: Practice one assertive conversation a month using DEAR MAN:

Describe the situation
Express how you feel
Assert what you need
Reinforce why it matters
Stay Mindful, Appear confident, and be open to Negotiation

Example:
“I feel anxious when plans change last minute. Can we agree to give each other at least a few hours’ notice?”

🌿 5. Radically Accept What You Can’t Control

Traditional Resolution: “I’m going to stay positive no matter what!”
DBT-Inspired Upgrade: “I will practice radical acceptance when life is out of my control.”

Positivity is great—but sometimes, life just sucks. Radical Acceptance isn’t giving up; it’s choosing peace over resistance when things can’t be changed.

Resolution idea: When something feels unfair, painful, or unexpected, pause and say:
“This is what’s happening. I may not like it, but I accept that it’s real.”
That moment of acceptance can create space for healing.

🧠 Final Thoughts: Progress, Not Perfection

The magic of DBT is that it embraces the dialectic: two things can be true at once. You can want to change and accept where you are. You can struggle and still be trying your best. Your self-care doesn’t need to be aesthetic or Instagram-worthy—it just needs to be yours.

Category Archives: Self Care